My Love

Hello,

This message is for Brian who i know is my only follower. We need to talk. We have different goals and it scares me. I don't really have any and yet i wanna follow these few things. I know there are things u know and have to bring it up yet again. I wanna get married and have kids and have a home life. Yet i wanna go and travel with u somewhere else. I want to meet someone, date for a while, live with them, get married, have kids and live in a nice house in a nice area. I know these are things i cant control. I understand u are not ready to get married. I understand u have a lot of plans for ur life and want to get ur life together. I also know religion is a bit issue within us but that is something i can work through. I wanna b with u but I'm scared that what if our lives together as a couple or even as friends does not work so well. I have a decision to make with weather we should b together. i love u but i don't know if I'm still in love with u. i know i need to listen to my heart but my brain yells louder. i am scared i don't know how i feel about u anymore. i feel like we r growing apart and not together. i also don't think we r sexually compatible. i say i to much. i know its something i have to work on. i dk if its my depression that's clouding my judgement or this is really how i feel. i don't wanna b alone and i don't want to lose u but then again its not fair to u for me to stay with u just because i don't want to be alone. u need to go out and find what ur looking for. i hope u know i will always b here for u no matter what. i want u to come to me. i feel like sometimes u don't. i feel sometimes i don't know whats going on in ur life but that also might be cuz we don't have time together. between our schedules there is no real time for us to together to talk. I'm sorry about last nite but i was thinking about all of this and it was getting to me and i was soo tired i just fell asleep. we haven't gone out on a "date" in so long and its upsetting me. i have really in my life been on dates or have been asked out. i don't like much of what has happened in my past and i know u r not for the few things u know. i would like to share more with u but we don't seem to have time alone when we can just talk. both u and Sherri r busy at the same time so i end up alone a lot and then get torn between who i wanna b with. i don't want guys to b my main focus. that was the mistakes i have made in the past. moving to jersey helped in some ways because i can use here to hide and as an excuse to not see ppl. i need to meet new ppl out here. i need to get an more active life and stop being such a bum. i also need to get a job and car out here but i know that's all on my shoulders. i am tired of just talking to u through texts and bbm's.