No Idea

Hey guys. I know I have been missing for a while i just haven't felt like writing. Ive had a lot of ups and downs. At the moment i am depressed, sick and alone. I fell two Friday's ago and bruised my knee. Since this past Wednesday I've had a runny/ stuff nose, headache, body aches, cough, etc. I've gotten better and worse. But still not completely better. Its so frustrating being sick with so much to do and now that i don't have anything to do I'm so bored being in bed.

I miss Ellen and so many other people and idk what to do.

Thanksgiving is coming up and I'm gonna be all alone and bored. I prob won't leave bed. There is no point. My family doesn't celebrate or see anyone. This family is so broken. I tried a few years ago and failed cuz no one listens to me. Sometimes i wish i could just go away.

So i have a new boyfriend. I like spending time with him but i don;t see it going anywhere but he is a sweetheart and tries so hard to make me happy and do things for me and I'm scared. i wish i could just find someone who is really for me. They say G-d picks out someone for you on the day you are born. I think its a nice sentiment but its a problem because what if u don't find that person? Idk what its like to be in a relationship or how I'm supposed to act or what I'm supposed to do. Its really scary and frustrating. Plus i feel weird "dating" him if i really don't think we are a good match even though we have stuff in common so that's good.