Ive been avoiding writing what i have been wanting to write for days. but now I'm afraid if i don't write then i might forget it all or it will overcome and eat me. it will prob be a mess but its how my mind is. my mind isn't working and is a cluttered tattered stripped mess. i feel like there is a dozen million things and none of it connects top each other. slowly i come to more and more realizations.
i have realize it has come down to four main points
- i don't know where to live
- idk where to work
- idk where i am in Judaism
- i don't know what I'm doing about relationships (looking or non looking)
now each of these have so many branches to it and unless ppl know the whole story they shouldn't make judgements.
i am officially out of money (again) my account has $35 and i had to start taking from my savings. i get paid Friday but i cant use any of that because i need to to pay part of my rent. i might have to tell my landlord that i can not pay my rent and hope she understands. i can afford life anymore. i don't like my job but i like where i live but they are so far away from each other. i might have to start working in mmg cuz I'm so desperate for money. my nails are short but this is starting to hurt. I'm trying to type fast stuff that is going through my head. i already have a headache and want to leave already. if i want going to meet naavah after this i would try to leave,. it doesn't hurt that bad but i cant concentrate at all. I'm freaking out and panicking about what to do with everything. everyone wants to help but they don't help. they give me useless advice. i am worried about every minute.
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