FMFL WHY?

So i haven't posted in a while. There have been so many day's when I have wanted to and haven't had the energy. I have been working 7 days a week straight for the last few months and i am at ultimate crashing point. There is so much going on my head and to get it all out and down is quite a challenge. I think this is done mostly for me because i believe my only follower is Brian and i doubt he cares. So i don't remember what i have talked about on here about my jobs.

Lets start here and maybe i can help myself. I am currently in my office in Brooklyn at Bais Ezra as a secretary. Obviously i am not doing any work at the moment. I am extremely tired and don't wanna do jack. I have been feeling like this for the last 2 weeks. I am just not in the mood to do anything but its life and u have to keep on trucking. I also work in Muscle Maker Grill in Edison, NJ near my house. Its a 15 to 20 minute walk. At my job at BE everyone can see how over worked i am in life and tired of the traveling. It takes close to 2 hours to get to Brooklyn from my house. I walk about 15-20 minutes to the train and then take the train. An express is supposed to take about 45 minutes. Then there is the shuffle out of the train and up stairs and then out of Penn. So u are constantly surrounded by people. This is why i moved from new york but being there everyday is weighting on my nerves. I just cant take it anymore. I wanna scream and cry and cry and scream. Not really feeling like anyone cares and that i don't have friends really doesn't help my situation.

I also miss dating but then again when do i have the time. I officially quit MMG a week ago so i have to work this weekend coming (Fri-Sun). I have no idea how i am going to make it. I'm sooo sleepy right now. I layed in bed for close to 2 hours b4 i fell asleep. I was laying this way and that way and every way. I tried watching tv and just relaxing and it was not working at all. Then Sherri came home. I said hello and a few words and she was off to bed so i was alone again. I am hoping i can become more religious and keep Shabbat.

The woman of BE are trying to convince me to move to Brooklyn and that being the "right" answer. It actually is the simply (more correct) answer. If i lived in Brooklyn i would be able to get around, i know ppl, i can meet new ppl, i can be more religious and attend religious events and i already have a job and silly me wants to stay in NJ cuz i made the move from NY, i would miss Sherri, i might miss Brian,(not to sure about that cuz we get into fights all the time and i should stay far away from him. I'm still hung up on him), i don't have any friends, i cant get around (no licence and who knows if i will be able to afford a car) and no job so it all seems to be the bad choice. The only thing that is stopping me is that we are in our lease for another year. I was hoping my life would be different at this point. Have i just not tried hard enough?

I wish i could just get away to clear my head for a little while and make real decisions but i have no money and no where to go. I don't even have any family assistance. Some people don't realize how my life is. They say they have the answer but are not willing to help me with anything. I know a lot of stuff i have to do on my own but ppl can be there to support me and help in some ways. Telling me everything is going to be alright is not helping and if ur someone who will just do that then i don't want u in my life. I feel whenever i write here i just go on and on and ramble. (I'm hungry) I still don't eat. I am not hungry and when i am there is no food. I am so uncomfortable in my clothes here. i wish i could wear a t-shirt and shorts.