Independence Day :(

Hey all. I haven't been here for long. Basically my life isn't worth writing about. I've had the same problems for months and months and they are not getting better or solved. I am confused and scared. I have people who want to help but its hard to help me. I have received more help from people i have just met then people in my own family. I have pretty much decided not to bother with my family. They don't seem like they care about me anyway. I have made attempted and got shooed to the corner. I have realized lately that since I am not apart of the family in Manhattan or Tennessee that I do not exist. The only person who keeps trying to contact me is my Aunt Sherri who lives in Brooklyn (who isn't apart of the family either since she lives in Brooklyn) who I understand is trying to keep me around but she doesn't seem to understand she makes me feel just as crappy as the rest of the family. I have my little sister and one cousin in Brooklyn who I still keep in contact with at times. My younger sister does not respond to me either. I wish I could pursue my dream already. I also still want to just get married but I get told over and over how I need to wait and stop trying to push and look for it and I want to be patient but it is getting hard for me since that is all i want out of life. I don't want a career. I want a family of my own. I know there is alot more going into it but i will get there when it starts to happen.

I officially caught up on my Aunt Amy's blog (http://averytnfamily.blogspot.com/). I was back at May. She posts everyday. I will probably get left behind in it again. I just don't have the time or patience sometimes to get to it. I use it to get insight into their life since I do not think they consider me apart of this family either. They don't allow me to come visit. They don't call/email or return calls or emails back to me. They do not say "thank you" for all the things I have sent them over the years. I am just that kind of person I kept doing it but as of June I have decided to stop. I did not wish my grandmother or cousin a happy birthday.

I am stuck in a really bad situation and I don't want to talk about it anymore because everyone thinks I choose my life to be this way. I must have done something bad in a past life and am being punished for it now. I know my life could be so much worse but it is also not good now. I have very small things that are good and the bad swallow them whole. I have to fight to put on a "front" everyday because if anyone honestly listened to me and ALL the things I am going through I should be suicidal. Maybe that doctor I was seeing had a point. Sadly I don't have insurance and am slowly getting sicker and no way to get things checked out.

It is the fourth of July, Independence day. I am very independent person. Sometimes to much so cuz I don't want to accept help. I guess I have a hard time letting people in my life. I am tired of this situation and my options are all screwed up.

Well enough of this. If u want to find me u should know how to and if u don't i guess then u didn't care enough to try.