Mad

I am so mad. I just found out that my aunt and grandmother is going to visit family in Tennessee where i have been trying to get for so long. People wonder why I live in New Jersey and not NY. That's very simple. I am tired of NY, have not felt like a city girl in quite some time. Also, because my family does not pay any attention to me and when they do its all negative. They yell, scream, annoy. My mother only calls me to bother me. Tell me whats going on with ppl i don't care about and isn't helpful news. The rest of my family just doesn't talk to me. They think I'm slow (at everything...eating, drinking, getting dressed, making decisions) In a sense they cant handle me. They don't know what to do with me so I'm all alone. Y am i going to be surrounded when I'm so lonely. I am also even more alone now because i don't have a bf. He is still a good friend of mine and i love it but its just not the same. I think its healthier for me to be alone anyway. So back to the TN thing. I have asked to go out there several times and always got the "we will check our schedule and get back to u b.s. I feel so unwanted by them and so it fits into the family i have in NY. All these ppl are my mothers side. On my fathers side i have an aunt and 2 cousins. My aunt lives in NJ but i don't ever see or speak to her (I'm not a good niece) and my two cousins are both in Iraq in the army. I have one other cousin on my moms side who hasn't forgotten about me but she is very busy with school and trying to make it in life and not kill her mother. I totally understand cuz my mom did the same thing to me but i got away. She is 21 now and makes good decisions in life and isn't a dirty stay out (as my mom says) and yet her mom treats her like a 4 year old. I wanna help her so bad but there isn't much i can do for her. Its like my little sister. I want to get her away from my mom so bad. There isn't anything i can really do for her either but as soon as i can i will fight for them my hardest. I feel bad for my younger sister but she is on another wave length. I don't know what to do with her. My cousin i think is the strongest out of us. Sadly i must go to work now. Be back later to update and correct spelling. Peace and Love to all.