My SAD SAD Life

So lately I've been feeling really down. Today i finally broke down after wanting to since yesterday. I have no one to talk to. I feel so lonely. Sherri said we would go out tonite (11-14-09). She invited me out last nite but i was already on my way to NY to go to Alec's meal. So i told her we still have tonite. We was sitting in the living room and she was online looking for something for us to do and said we will go out. I put my head down and was thinking. Then she got a call from her friend and decided to go meet her and leave me cuz "i was asleep". I told her don't assume i was asleep. I wasn't, i was just thinking and she didn't believe me which was annoying. I got up and went to my room then cuz no point in sitting in there alone since she was leaving. I came home cuz she said we was going out otherwise i could have just stayed in NY. I really wanted to go out tonite and I'm sitting here all alone. Y did i move to Jersey? I have no clue. I cant do anything. i don't have a license and am scared to get one now so i guess I'm out of luck. Brian was supposed to help me but i guess that is out of the question. I am so tired but i don't want to sleep. i don't know what i want to do. i really want to go out but i have no one to go with. Now on to Brian...So i don't know what to do about him. I am just so angry and mad and sad and annoyed and disappointed and don't know what to do with myself. I believe i am in love with him and that's the biggest problem for me. I think i will have to not talk to him for a while. (I keep losing my train of thought) I feel like an idiot. Anytime I'm with ppl i don't know what they are talking about. Most ppl i see on Shabbos talk about Judaism, law or politics. None of which i know anything about. I cant hold a conversation. People tell me how nice and pretty i am.That's about all i am. I don't think i have anything going for me. i have friends that love me and say they are here for me but its not beneficial to me. I still feel the same about myself.